Experiences from Vipasana
My teacher- wow. A peaceful sight and voice. Imagine a bright, over 6 ft (1.8mtr for metric scalers) human with sparkling eyes and face looked like Sushmita Sen with wrinkles. What a grandeur. I had a spiritual crush on him. But I didn’t know for sure if he is her or him. That was my side quest to find out. Up until day 7, I was acting like a pervert. When I sensed that gaze is making the other person little weird, gave up on my intention to find out. Later, when the noble speech was allowed on Day 10, someone corrected me that teacher is a woman and that’s how the quest concluded fully. The act, even though borderline crazy, It was acceptable as any ways a person goes through all the maya’s of the life at crude level. Kama (lust/desire), Krodha (anger), Moha (attachment/delusion), Mada (pride/arrogance), and Matsar (jealousy/envy), Lobh (greed) the Shadripu (six enemies of enlightenment). Be silent and observe the breath and one would know what I am talking about.
“I am telling you better concentrate. Are you a lunatic?” Then I remembered speaking to my own mind. And that’s when the opposite force is taking over as well, battle of thoughts. Sometimes mind acts in favour of your intentions, flows with you, and then slowly deviates, lures you and end up in its own area. Man, that’s crazy as you get to know about it only after you crossed the bridge. After many many attempts of concentrating on the breath and being grandly disrupted by the mind, this thought appears. After all, master Shifu didn’t get his inner peace for up until 2nd movie of King Fu Panda. Man, what am I thinking about fictional animation now? What next? Aladdin, the great dictator? Nah, cannot find any equivalent parables in that movie. Hey, concentrate!!!.
Surface of the mind is like a Newtonian fluid, approach with force and you are bound to fail, caress it gently, and you have a say. No guarantee though that you’d be able to focus fully. And remember what Teacher says, just accept the reality, mind is bound to do what it does. Accept that but don’t react with anger or aversion. You do your work on concentration and that’s how reach a truce. And that truce is similar to Iran US ceasefire- short-lived. Accept it and do your job.
Major problem was while sleeping. I had an habit of listening to a WW2 story or reading something to sleep. Here, nothing is possible as I am observing Noble silence. What to do? Should I recall some stories? Oh wow, hitler being remembered in Vipasana centre. Sleep was mostly elusive, and later, short and mostly riddled by crazy dreams. 1 such dreams included a sight of friend eating a baby. Got up and said “All is well all is well”. Oh Fuck, I am observing noble silence, shush. It could be 4 am, go bath and get ready. And the 4 AM bell rang.
We could meditate inside the Pagoda cells. That evening I thought of giving it a try and felt more oxygen is needed. Given the curiosity however, I wanted to give it a go in the morning. It was a savage thunderstorm in the night and obviously, cells would be cooler in the morning, possibly oozing with oxygen. Expectations!!! That morning, dumbstruck with this sight- A Sea of dead cicadas on the porch of pagoda. As it occurs, Life of those little insects is so short, yet they try reaching their prey, yet their life goes on, yet they fall when rains fall. Yet they die. Yet they become manure to the surrounding plants. Yet the cycle continues. And it’s time to become responsible in Meditation and I go back to meditation hall and sit there with this thought- If committed, accept.
Bakuli, AKA Spanish Cherry, Small, star-shaped white flowers that turn brown when dried. The flowers bloom in the evening and fall to the ground, often creating a white carpet underneath the tree. I like sniffing flowers. And here, I was on collection spree. Everyday I collected Bakuli flowers on the way to meditation hall with an intention to give to my husband showing that I missed him so much. And This very act posed in between my meditation. Vipasana was also about being away from attachments, basically living a Bhikkhu life. In this case, as I am expecting a reaction in return, this is not a selfless gesture and most importantly, I am hoarding something, that if lost or not reciprocated in the same way, will result in grief. Wow, this is how a grief cycle is created- greed to collect more flowers, pride to be collecting these, attachment that I need to store them properly to gift my husband and lastly potential anger, if the effort is wasted or you happen to see people not caring for the flowers on the ground. I threw away the collected flowers.
I thought Silence was not a major issue for me. However, there were days that I said “Fuck” in under-breath and when alone, and mostly over trivial things, like a moisturising cream tube not staying upright on the counter, not being able to find the nail cutter in my pouch, or getting delayed for a meditation session. Amused, that of all the words, my auto pilot chose cursing.
Day of departure approached, cleaned the room, and bathroom and donned an orange coloured cleaning glove made for the right hand over 600ml plastic water bottle and created a Gyan Mudra as a goodwill gesture for the next participant. And placed it on the upside down bucket.
Path, they say is riddled with hinderences, obstacles, multiple knots, and one needs patience to untie them. All the while remembering that everything is impermanent, no point altering the reality. Dodged the scattered ants to go sit in the Van carrying us to the city.
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